Who I am

Last night was a lot of fun! it was the first time since i have been here that i went out without jason. it was weird at first but after a while i got used to it. Kayla Jack Jimmy and I drank all of the Sailor Jerry. Both bottles! it was a very long night. Amanda had to come and pick us up when she got off work. Thanks Amanda!!

So I checked my schedule to see if it had changed at all and IT DID! i now have hours next week. which totally excites me. they are still only working me 4hrs at a time but i will take what i can get.

nerves

My schedule has yet to change..im starting to get rly worried..

So of course today none of my freakin managers were there for me to talk to about my schedule. its like the universe is against me..

Going to see the family tonight (bar family) im sure they will cheer me up!

So i just went on the macys schedule. and it had it up till like january something. well guess what im on it but there isn't any fuckin hours next to my name. i don't know what this means. but i don't like it. i rly dont wanna go job hunting again. it took me forever to find this fuckin job. i knew it was seasonal. but they asked me if i wanted to stay on after the holidays and of course i said yes! i mean why wouldn't i. i don't know what i am gonna do if i have to go job hunting again. this fuckin SUCKS!!

I really hope the schedule changes. i am a good/hard worker! there is no way im sleeping tonight. i cant get this out of my head. im like shaking its making me so nervous.SHIT FUCK COCK BALLS!

Today i didn't really do anything. i cleaned house and that was enough for me. O and guess what its really had to wash dishes with a sink that has no running water! lol

Last night I went to stumpy's to see the family! and it was awesome. i got a sweatshirt out of it from Chris. Nicole finally got a cell phone so i can text her all the time now! Chris got a new phone too but he said he doesn't really text that much. i will probably still text him anyways..knowing me.

Today i got really hyper. i drank like 3cups of coffee around noon and well lets just say it wasn't good. by like one thirty i was dancing around the house singing. it was so much fun. i am glad no one was home though. it would of been a little weird if Megan and Drew were home when this happened. i don't care if Jason saw me doing it. he is like my brother.

Ramblings.

omg so this is what i have realized this week. i realized that i should of moved out a long time ago. since i have been in reno none of my pants fit me anymore my belts are to big. yay for losing weight! lets keep this up!

So yesterday my manager called out and my crew chief was a hour late. dont they know that jobs are hard to come by these days freakin idiots!

Lately i havent been able to get warm. i can put on many layers and still im freezing. my florida blood does not like me one bit.

Amandas parents will be up here this weekend. which is gonna be awesome. i totally got out of snowboarding. i actually do wanna go but i don't wanna ruin Jason's outing so i am now scheduled to work that day. but i have that night off so i can go to the ugly sweater party.

Yesterday Torri helped me figure out the perfect gift for Jason! hopefully my mom didn't steel my idea for him. if she did i am so freakin screwed!! i bet you anything she did though. i just know it.

GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!

I can watch a musical a day and never get sick of them

So when i get new music i like to try and listen to it all at least ounce and then i will decide if i like it or not. and it usually works out really well for me. all the cd's i got yesterday i pretty much love and ounce one cd is over i wanna listen to it again but then i remember i have like 4 others i still need to here. damn people for putting out such great music all at ounce.

Today Megan and I finished the second layer to our igloo. i was pretty proud of us. this layer went by a lot faster than the first layer did. which was awesome!!

So i made Megan and Drew watch High School Musical 3 the other night. and i am pretty sure they hated it. but i loved it. i hadn't seen it in a really long time and it was good to watch it. and of course i know like all the words and songs. mom and i used to watch it at least ounce a week when i lived in Florida. she said she is having Lucas watch it! that boy is gonna be a musical lover when he grows up just like his aunt!

Reading

I can't seem to stop reading this book!!

defying gravity

you know when you find that one song that you can just listen to over and over again well right now mine is cut by "plumb" i am totally obsessed. its not rock or punk rock its slow and its something i can sing to i think that makes me like it so much more. I don't even remember how i found this song it guess it kinda just found its way to me. and well i love it!

So i asked my boss for more hours and what does he do he gives me less this week than i had last week! i need to find another job and fast. i will still keep the one i have a Macys i just don't make enough money there. i need to find i job that i can work in the morning because i usually work at night for Macys which i personally hate but i will keep my mouth shut because if i say anything i will probably end up with no hours what so ever.

It finally snowed the other day! and i love it. i am not really prepared for the you know the cold weather but who cares its fuckin snow!! Megan and I are making a igloo and so far its pretty kick ass. it will probably take us a while to finish it but when its does its shall be awesome. On Monday my crush (Nicole) wants me to go sledding with her and our bar family and that should awesome too.

I cant believe this is what it has come to

So its thanksgiving week. and this is usually when my family would start preparing for our big dinner. well not this year. i will be alone this year. i have to of course work on black Friday so i can go down to overton to see some of the relatives. Jason is leaving tomorrow night which sucks! i don't want him to go. but i also don't want him to stay just because i cant go. he deserves to be able to see his family. we don't need to miserable people in the house.

Today is my brother Ben's birthday! he is 24 today.

Today of all days

Yesterday we went and saw New Moon and it was fantastic. i am really glad we all went together. it was a good group. afterwards Jason Amanda and i all went to the bar to see the family. and it was pretty great. Moe was drunk 0ff his ass. which made everything so much better. i don't think i have ever seen him as drunk as he was last night. Nicole and Chris where there of course. Nicole can always make me smile. she is awesome.

Today is the MVHS state game against Truckie. and well i don't think we are going to win but i am glad i get to see some people from the valley that i haven't seen in a long time. Jason's parents are coming up to see the game and then after we are taking them to the bar to see Amanda and the rest of the family. which i cant wait for. its going to be fanfreakintastic!

The Gators play today so lets go orange and blue!!

i kinda wanna read the twilight books again. but i don't have any of them. and i don't really wanna buy them.i need to find someone that will let me borrow them so i can read them all at least one more time.

So i got a job. i wish i started sooner than i do but i don't really have choice in the matter. i just glad i am going to start having a income soon. i hate the fact that Jason had to pay for practically everything. but not no more!

Tonight Jason and I are going to see Carlos Mencia! I am so excited. We get to get all dressed up and go out. without Drew and Megan its gonna be great. I am starting to get really sick of Megan. I know thats a bad thing to say since she is my roommate. but i just can't help it. she needs to grow up!

So drew and megan are gone. and right now i have the house to myself. guess what i did..o ya i fuckin cleaned! it felt rly good. the house was pretty messy and i figure with them gone it should stay clean all weekend. so until drew and megan get home. megan told me that she was a clean freak. and now that i am living with her i realise that she is not. i mean i clean up after her more than i do jason. jason is a pretty neat person. he is like me he usually just keeps his mess in his own room. but drew and megan leave there shit all over the house. its starting to get annoying.

Tomorrow there is this win walk in down town reno. some of jasons friends want us to go. i am kinda scared to use my ID here. i mean its my ID and i am 21. but its a old florida ID. idk. it kinda freaks me out.

filling out applications is probably the worst part of my day.. i mean it just the same thing over and over again. it sucks so bad. i wish i had a resume that i could just give them. but im sure if i had a resume it would look pretty lame. therefor i keep filling out the same old application everyday like 4 times a day..i am rly getting sick of it. but of course i wont stop because well i need a job..

Happy 22nd birthday to drew..

This weekend will just be jason and i at the house. i think it will be fun. but he is also on call. so i hope he doesnt get called in. i know he will but a girl can hope right.lol

Yesterday i found out that torri is kinda somewhat dateing courtny again. i know its none of my buisness but i totally think she can do better. she deserves better.

I wish jason wasnt all call this weekend. so that maybe there was a possibility of us going to overton. i rly wanna see some of my family. i have gone a entire month with out seeing anyone in my family. i know its not that long of a time but for me a person that has never gone a day without seeing her family its a very big deal.

I am using soulseek again. hopefully this time it doesn't fuck up my computer.last time it totally crashed it. it was a very sad day in the world of sam. but so far so good.

Zoey is a very good dog. she listens(somewhat) and i think she is starting to take a liking to me. she get different when jason is home though. like she is protecting him from me. i just don't think she likes to share him. but when its just her and i we get a long great. i don't think zoey even likes drew and megan that much. she has been spending so much time with me lately that she doesn't even pay that much attention to them anymore.

misty asked for my address today so i am guessing she is sending the invite for her baby shower.

living i reno has been a new thing for me. and i love it. i am kinda of getting sick. but i think it will go away in a couple days.(hopefully)

i wanna find some cheap UGGS. i sold my rly tall fluffy ones befor i left florida. so i am looking on ebay.

Jason is sick which sucks. i rly hope he doesn't get me sick. i can alrdy feel something start in my chest and thats not good specially with my asthma.

i feel like a mom taking care of jason.lol.

wow so living in reno is a big change. its the begining of october and its alrdy cold. but its not just the weather that is different. not living with the parental units is pretty fantastic. i mean i miss my mom and dad. but with jason here its like living with family. i have yet to find a job. and it sucks. i hate not working.

Today is the first day of me having my computer and i am praying that nothing is wrong with it. but i guess only time will tell if there is.

i cant believe today is actually here. it seems like it has taken me forever to get here and i finally did it. with some help from friends and family of course well mostly friends. last night was hard to say goodbye to my sweetbay life. i mean i spent pretty much every day there for the past 2yrs and now its just gone. weird. anyways...

ill be in reno around 2pm!

i went to the beach today. it was prettyy awesome.

12 more days . and people my friends in florida dont seem to care. well there loss. nevada here i come!

I don't think i realized how much i share with my sister. I am rly gonna miss her. she may piss me off at times. but i think thats comes with being siblings.

My father has yet to talk to me. he has been home for about 2days now. i wonder what kinda of shit is gonna come out of him mouth when he finally does say something to me.

Applebee's last night was the shit! i had so much fun. i was drunk off my ass befor my food even got to me. i got to play musical tables so i could see everyone. Afterwards i went out with aaron nic and michelle to rum runners. played a little pool had a couple beers and then went home went to sleep and 2 hrs later was up and getting rdy for work. i wanted to kill myself this morning. Today Aaron is going to the rays game with ethan and mike. i was invited but i didn't wanna impose on the guys night. i will probably see aaron later on tonight. Im glad he(Aaron) went last night. it probably wouln't of been as much fun if he wasn't there.

Last night was fun..went out with aaron and michelle. well we went and saw her at work. she works at a bar called styxs. got free drinks all night.

I sold my desk yesterday. not for what i wanted. but i still got a good price for it. all i have left is my bookcase and storage thing. i have someone coming to look at my bookcase sometime this week!

Andy is home tuesday!

Last night was a total bust. it sucked so bad. i wish i didn't go. i could of went out with people that i actually knew.after a while i didnt even feel like drinking. i was hot and nasty. i just wanted to leave and go home. but no cindy had to stay all fuckin night.(bitch).

Today i am havng some people come and look at my desk. hopefully someone will freakin take it. i don't want it anymore. well i do. but right now i would rather have the money.

I love coffee.

Laura and Misty are both pregnant. laura is 7th months and misty is maybe a month. i can't believe laura is prego again. she is the one person i thought wouldn't have a lot of kids. but i guess i was wrong.

I can't stand work anymore. i think its because i know im leaving in a short while so i don't rly have to put up with the shit anymore.

I have two of the best friends in the world. i can't wait to see them again.

Going out tonight with ppl from work..should be fun!

Wow so i talked to tim last night for a good hour. it was good to hear from him. i never rly know what number to call him on. he moves around so freakin much. i miss him! hopefully i will get to see him real soon.

Today was my friday! i worked 40hrs this week. which is awesome. I decided that i hate my job and im glad im leaving but i am sure gonna miss the ppl i work with. i don't think i could have made any better friends there. im glad i worked at sweetbay. i just think i have worked there for way to long.

Tomorrow i am getting drunk with my managers..this should be very very interesting!

<33

I am so freakin out right now. only 20 days till in am finally a resident of nevada again. i am going to miss some of my friends down here but none of them even compare to jason and torri.

WORK WORK WORK WORK...thats pretty much all i do.

Work sucked so bad today! i rly do hate ppl.

Kristens birthday is tomorrow. yay for her. she will be 20.

23DAYS!

Just hooked up my computer. Just so i could check my email and look for job and what not! i bought my plane ticket 2days ago. i will be in reno in 23days! i can't wait.Last night i talked to jason for like 2hrs. it was interesting. then talked to Aaron till like 4am..He is starting to realize that i rly am leaving..

Let the countdown BEGIN!!

damn mothers

Last night was very interesting. The ninner with kristen and mariana was somewhat fun the alcohol helped 2-4-1 at applebee's! after we where done with dinner they wanted to go play some pool which we did. i had aaron meet us there. it was better when he got there. while him and i got drunk kristen and mariana got worse at pool and we got beetter. funny how that works. while all this is going on my mother is texting me and telling me not to move. how me moving is depressing her and making her cry. she says she wants me to at least stay home a couple more years. or until andy is done with his job. (andy is a captain of a boat he loves his job he will never leave it). Aaron could see i was getting depressed he kinda helped me through it. Jason mostly did. Aaron doesn't know me THAT well so he didnlt rly know what to say.( and he also doesn't want me to leave) other than my mother KILLING my buzz my night was pretty fun.

*thanks jason for helping me with my mother.<33

packing packing and more packing.

Today is packing day. well i've pretty much been packing for the last month. but today i am doing a lot. taking apart the bed. packing the wii and the shoes.clearing off the desk. i may be unplugging my computer soon.i haven't decided yet when i am going to be doing this. maybe today or tomorrow. i need to find a good safe way to ship it first.

Tonight i am going out with Kristen and Mariana. crazy right. i haven't talked to either in over a month. after that i am going to a party with aaron at andrews :-)

cars.

driving is getting easier and easier for me. soon ill be ready to take the test.real soon!
:)

in the middle of packing..

Today started out as such a good day but then i got home from work and it went straight to shit. i can't stand living in this house anymore. i just can't do it. i can't wait to leave. i am going to miss my mom and sister and ben. but not matt and rachel so much. specially the bitch rachel. i want her out of my fuckin life. I don't think i have hated anyone so much in my life.

Why did i have to meet someone right befor i am leaving?? this sucks.
at least he knows im leaving though.
party on wayne..party on garth..

coffee at 5am is like heaven in a cup. its so delicious.
:)

My room is almost packed. its crazy how fast this month is moving along.

IM SCARED

coffinbass is cool

so much shit to do in to little time. what is a girl to do.

My father is a Ass.

thats all i have to say for right now

reactions

so i pretty much told everyone at work that i am leaving. It was one of the weirdest things i have gone through. i never knew how much ppl liked me there. and how me leaving was going to affect them. strange.

1more month and i'll be back in nevada!

This is me and my sister Tempestt.
:)

what's been on my mind

In the last few days i have had many doubts about moving and how it could be a mistake. but last night i realized that this is probably the best thing that be happening to me. i can't stand my brother Matt right now. he reminds me so much of Derrick it scares me. he is a pathological liar and i just can't take it anymore. I need to get away from this house and my family. yes i am going to miss them. and i know its going to be hard but i truly believe that i can do this.

>.<

a lot been happening the last couple days. to much to type.

life is going good. i never want my lil sis to leave.

Its almost friday!! u know what that means..o yes..the weekend!

Tempest has been here for maybe 2days and i never want her to leave.

short and sweet

Workin 2-11
not as many hrs as yesterday but its enough.
My lil sis tempest comes in today! i can't wait to see her. she is only 13 but we will have fun.
(hopefully)

<33

on break from the 12hr work day

This morning was crazy slow at work so of course they let ppl go home early not thinking that someone might call out.so of course i need the money so i turned my 8hr day into a 12hr day..yay for money!

Yesterday i realized that i rly don't talk to torri enough. i need more of her in my life. i miss her like crazy.

Tomorrow my lil sis from california is going to be here. how crazy is that. i have to share my room with her. which i am totally ok with. i hope she has a grt time while she is here. o ya and my parents are going to the keys this weekend with some of my dads friends so while the parents are away the kids shall play.lol

doc

Last night my brothers woman was put into the psych word at the hospital. she said she was having a panic attack all day...

..went to the doctor..all is good..thanks doctor torri for your help!

florida/reno

I haven't even been home for a full 24hrs and my mom and sister are giving me shit. they don't want me to move. so they are shooting down every plan i am telling them and giving me the flaws in it. its pissing me off. i just wanna do this. I don't wanna be here anymore. i know my sister has my best interest at heart but she needs to understand that im not like her. i can't stay at home my entire life. i just can't. and my mom. well she just needs to let go! and fast.

birthday pics!

Thank you..

Drink please!!

He's so happy!

Lucas..I just got him to stop crying :)

designer luggage!

Betsey Johnson and Marilyn.

Flowers!!

New 32 inch flatscreen tv for my new room in reno! (thanks mom and sis)

Happy 4th

have you ever felt alone? tonight i feel so alone. i know im not. and i know i have friends and family in my life. just emotionally i feel alone. i hope one day i wont feel that way anymore.

COPS!

they fuckin suck.

5thday of rain

Its been raining for about a week now. I wanna go swimming in my pool but no i can't its full of freakin gross rain water :(

CALIE

NOW..

Thenn...

*she is the smartest dog we have ever had.

*and cutest!!

1st day off in 6 days

This morning i hung out with a friend that i haven't seen in like 3months. it was nice. we went and saw that new john travolta movie (the movie was actually good) then went out to lunch at applebee's. it was good to see him again.
Tonight there is a party at michelle's. i don't know if im gonna go. i want to but i also want sleep because i have to open again tomorrow. i am so sick of opening i want cindy to come back alrdy.
So it rained all night and all morning. it sucked. i wanted to go to the beach today but i guess god has other plans.

nekromantix tour dates

Jul 3 2009
8:00P
Club Congress
Tucson, Arizona
Jul 4 2009
8:00P
The Hootenanny
Irvine, California
Jul 6 2009
8:00P
Great American Music Hall
San Francisco, California
Jul 7 2009
8:00P
Great American Music Hall
San Francisco
Jul 8 2009
8:00P
Grand Sierra Resort
Reno, Nevada
Jul 9 2009
8:00P
Wonder Ballroom
Portland, Oregon
Jul 10 2009
8:00P
Showbox Theatre
seattle, Washington
Jul 11 2009
8:00P
Showbox Theater
Seattle, Washington
Jul 12 2009
8:00P
Commodore Ballroom
Vancouver, British Columbia
Jul 14 2009
8:00P
Knitting Factory
Spokane, Washington
Jul 15 2009
8:00P
Wilma Theatre
Missoula, Montana
Jul 16 2009
8:00P
Knitting Factory
Boise, Idaho
Jul 17 2009
8:00P
Depot
Salt Lake City, Utah
Jul 18 2009
8:00P
Ghost Town Saloon
Steamboat, Colorado
Jul 20 2009
8:00P
First Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Jul 21 2009
8:00P
The Majestic
Madison, Wisconsin
Jul 22 2009
8:00P
Miramar Theater
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Jul 23 2009
8:00P
Pop’s
Sauget, Illinois
Jul 24 2009
8:00P
Crossroads
Kansas City, Missouri
Jul 25 2009
8:00P
House Of Blues
Dallas
Jul 26 2009
8:00P
The Conservatory
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Jul 28 2009
8:00P
Farmington
Farmington, NM, New Mexico
Jul 29 2009
8:00P
Nakai hall/Navajo Nation
Window Rock NAVAJO NATION, Arizona
Jul 30 2009
8:00P
Club House
Tempe, Arizona

I wish Nekromantix was coming to florida :(

work

My boss cindy is on vacation till next week. that means i have to open everysingle day. which is a good and bad thing. bad i have to be up so early but good that i have a set schedule everyday and i get the bookkeeper safe key (i am the boss for the week)
when she gets back i think i am going to tell her about nevada. she deserves to know.

Fathers day events

Happy Fathers Day!! (to all those fathers in the world)

my sister and i got my dad one of those digital picture frames. it was pretty cheap when u split the price in half. i put over 200 hundred pictures on it today. he loves it! im glad he does. o ya and its a sony so i know that shit wont break easily.
for fathers day andy made us all stay home and hang with the family. we ran errans together and everything. i haven't spent so much time with the family in i don't even know how long christina and i wanted to go to the beach but no andy wanted a family day. my pool felt so good today. it was 80degrees! perfect swimming water.

sometimes on holidays like these it makes me think about derrick and what he is doing to celebrate. but then i remember o ya he is in prison there isnt much he can do. maybe tempest went to see him today. maybe. if her druggie mom would let her.

my lil sis is the shit!

20more days till i visit reno

Sooo last night was fun. well what i remember of it. all i know is that my entire bottle of grey goose is GONE! I had a good time though. i guess thats a good thing.

Torri i am sry for the late night phone call! i rly didnt realize what time it was. i am glad i got to talk to you though :) sry for inturupting your television watching. thats pretty much all i remember from our conversation. o and that...nope thats it! I MISS YOU!

Jason needs to answer his phone when drunk sam calls. it makes her sad when she has to leave a voice message..but i guess it will be funny for you when u listen to them today..

my friend turned 21 on monday and guess what he did..NOTHING!! he did no drinking what so ever. he had a party type thing but there was no alcohol involved. so i didn't go. i gave him his gift and left. moral of the story

no alcohol=no sam

good friends

To TORRI-
FFIIIYYYAA!!!!

i love you!
<3
that seriously just made my day.

MOVING

ok. so to move across country you have to be like a millionair. i just got a qoute from a place called pods and they are one of the best moving places. (fast and easy) for me to move from palm harbor to reno it would cost me a little over 4grand. i mean if u think about it it's a grt deal. but i just don't have that kinda of money.(which i wish i did) i am trying to do this on my own. with out anyones help. specially my parents.

RIP JJ

I can not believe that another one of my brothers friends killed themselves. thats 3 in less than a year. mikie they say was a accident. that he was cleaning the gun and it just went off. Aj was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and they gave him the wrong medication so when he got into a fight with his wife(andrea) he decided that killing himself would be a grt way to get back at her. (i was just happy that my nephew alex didn't see him hanging there in the bathroom) (o ya he hung himself). now JJ he shot himself. he was arguing with his girl and he pulled out a gun. first he wanted to shoot her but them turned the gun on himself. infront of his little girl(she is 9months). now i don't know if it the town or what. i just can't understand how one person can think that there life is that bad to where they don't wanna live anymore. I miss AJ everysingle day. he was apart of our family. when he died our lives changed forever. Mikie was one of my brothers very best friends. and when he passed it was the first time that i actually saw my brother cry. last night was the 3rd time in my life that i saw ben cry. i don't know how is gonna handle this. (probably with a lot of alcohol).jj was a grt guy. he had a lot of up and downs but in the end he was a grt person and he is going to be missed by a lot of ppl.

I'll be there in the back of your mind.

Last night was the first night in months that kristen and i kinda talked. of course we didn't talk about any of our problems at i was actually civil to her. i was kinda proud of myself. i think slowly i am starting to get over the fact that she picked dateing my brother instead of being my friend. her loss.

I am now a dedicated contact wearer. how weird is that. when i wear my glasses now it feels weird. thats probably because the perscriptions are different. but o well. i like contacts better anyways.

I now have my own cell phone bill. and my warranty on my current phone is up on july 24th 2009 so on that day i can get a new phone. i wanted to get a new one yesterday but the one i wanted was 4hundred dollars so i decided to wait. i need that money for reno. and you know life.

step one on my plan is happening today!! lol

-cut all ties from parents..except for you know still living in there house. i will no longer owe them money.

H E L P

what do i want for my birthday?? give me idea's besides alcohol and money. cause that i know im getting.lol my mom isn't giving me a price limit but she also says it can't be to much. so idk. HELP!

you are my angels

When I have no one to turn to

And I am feeling kind of low,When there is no one to talk to

And nowhere I want to go,I search deep within myself

It is the love inside my heart

That lets me know my Angels are there

Even though we are miles apart.
A smile then appears upon my face

And the sun begins to shine.I hear a voice, so soft and sweet

Saying, 'Everything will be just fine'It may seem that I am alone

But I am never by myself at all.Whenever I need my Angels near

All I have to do is call.
An Angel's love is always true

On that you can depend.They will always stand behind you

And will always be your friend.Through darkest hours and brightest days

Our Angel's see us through

They smile when we are happy, and will cry when we are blue..
Thanks for being my Angel my friend

I will be there for you until the end.

2009

Congratulations Graduates of 2009!
wow i feel old.

the cycle is almost done

im starting to peel.. which suxs. but afterthat i have my tan!! then i can go out into the sun again :) i hope to be rly tan befor i go to reno.

eeww

i have sun blisters all over my lips. they hurt so bad.

the art of saving moey..

1st. open a savings account
2nd.make sure to actually put money in that so called account.
3rd. don't touch that money!!(until trip or needed)

see it doesn't sound hard. but for some reason for me it can be. saving money fro me is a little difficult. but i have been doing so good lately. i went to the mall and didn't buy anything. it was awesome.

All my money is going towards my reno trip! :)
july10th-12th

Im flying to...

I will be here July 10Th-12Th
i can't wait!!!

It has been raining everyday for the past week. I never thought i would get sick of rain. I mean in Overton it would rain maybe twice a yr. Florida is just freaking ridiculous.

4guys and a girl

i wish life didn't have to be so complicated.

SWEETGAY!

I FUCKIN HATE SWEETBAY!!!

they have screwed me over so many times.and today just set me over the edge.
-they gave away some of my hours for the day because one of there full time employees wasnt gonna make her 40hrs. which at first pissed me off because they didnt even ask me. they just took them. then today they call me and say lisa(the bitch that took me hrs) went home early so then need me to come. i said no. they can suck it. god i hate them..cindy is a good friend but sometimes as a boss she can totally screw u over.

Baby

LUCAS ANTHONY MILES

<33

My newphew was born this morning. it only took 18hrs!!! omg i am never having children. im thinking suraget. :)

I am so tired that i can't sleep and am now starting to get a massive headache. how sad is that.

Work was ok. i think i finished everything. if not who cares. i don't work tomorrow! Lucas (nephew) comes home tomorrow. which will be cool. and i am supposed to have a "girls night" with heather. she is the one friend down here that i actually love to chill with. how sad is that. But i love her for letting me be who i am. she doesn't mind that i am blunt and tell the truth. she has a weird boyfriend but i can deal. he is rly nice.

I hate ppl that try to change other ppl. let them be who they wanna be!

$$$$

NO MORE SPENDING MONEY!!

i can't spend anymore money. specially on stupid crap! like food...and shoes..and makeup..and clothes..no more sailorjerry..
at least not until i buy my plane ticket and after i go to reno so i have money for bar hopping.lol.
i say NO MORE!!

Jason is gonna help me with my addiction and whenever i text him and tell him im gonna go shopping he's has to yell at me. and say no! lol i think it will work. hopefully.

crazy dreams

Being sick sucks! i just wanna be better alrdy. i guess it didn't help that i went swimming yesterday. o well. it was awesome. it was a first time in a long time that my mom and i actually had fun together.just her and i. i let her make fun of me and i didnt bitch her out for it. i was so proud of myself.

So i've discovered that when u are on meds u can have some crazy ass dreams. not last night but the night befor i had one about jason and torri and when i woke up i wanted to smack jason right across the face. but last night i had another one about them and when i woke up i felt like i needed to save them from something, it was weird. i mean i have had weird dreams befor but nothing that has made me wanna take action when i wake up. i need to get better and fast.

I bought some new sailor jerry stuff yesterday. 2new sashes and a new purse! all together lets just say it was "enough"lol

i have a shopping addiction!!!

....

HELP!

my family

my biological father is a whore and has other kids. well i just got in touch with my lil sister. she is my half sister of course. she is 13. the weird thing is if u see a picture of me at that age we look like twins. we decided that we(ben,matt,christina,sam) are going to fly her out to florida so we can see her. we have only seen her twice in our lives. and it was way back in like 2003(for my sister christina's graduation) apparently i have another sister too. but she is older than matt. and we have no idea were she is. people say she is in like colorado or something. maybe one day i will meet her but its doubtful. O yeah my sisters name is tempest. and my spermdonor is now in prison again for the 4th time. and her mom is a druggie. she deserves a better life than this. she is only 13.

Andy came home yesterday. and he leaves again in 2weeks. my mom is always so happy when he's home. i wish he could stay longer. i never knew how much he influenced me.

yesterday i lost one of my contacts. but i found it! so everything is all good. i have another eye doctor app. on may 5th. my mom and dad don't like me with contacts. but o well. they are gonna have to get used to it. my face is free from glasses and i love!

THE PLAN (for my 21st)

I am going to be in florida for my actual birthday but on that weekend i am going to try and fly to reno. (so torri if u could go there that weekend that would be awesome) i just started planning this a couple days ago. i wanna spend my 21st with my two favorite ppl in the world. i hate that im the youngest out of the group but hey in 2 more months i will finally be able to go to bars! :)

Best Friends

The distance between you and I
Is only a heartbeat away,
For you and I dwell in each other's heart -
There forever we will stay.
You know all my emotions,
Many they may be.
You know when to be gentle,
And when to chastise me.
Two gentle souls deeply connected,
Thoughts not spoken,There is no need
-For the other knows what one is thinking
Even before they speak.
So with all the love I haveIn my heart today,
I want to express to you
These feelings I want to stay.

I <3 contacts!


life goes on.
ppl come and go.
just be youself.
and be happy.

puff..puff..pass.

party at andrews=a good time!

sry for all the random text messages last night jason.

fearless

so im just gonna dive right in. no holding back

CONGRATULATIONS,I HATE YOU!

No one ever said that life was fair and I'm not saying that it should be
So knowing that you are what you want to be and I'm not comes as no surprise
But don't expect me to be happy for you
And don't smile at me and tell me things will work out for me tooI don't want your pity...
I hate your pityTaste your vanity and it's sweet bitterness As you hide behind your veil of my stolen hopes and lost dreams...
You took them all...
I watched you steal my thoughts and had to see you smile
As you build your dreams on my shattered hopes
I'll look back on a day once loved and fantasize for tragedy
Beg me to make this easier and listen to my hopeless cries
Suffer alone in emptiness
I lust to see you swallowed by the mess that you left in your wake
Disgust lies deep within your empty gaze...
Beg me to make this easier and listen as my hopeless cries
Send stares into your meaningless eyes
My envy can't describe how I loathe you for having all the stars
Leaving my eyes to marvel the sky knowing it should be mine
Yet it's you I see wasting the dream that only I deserve
I'll tear off your face to see your smile.
As you build your dreams on my shattered hopes
I'll look back on a day once loved and fantasize for tragedy
Beg me to make this easier and listen as my hopeless cries
Send stares into your meaningless eyes

Vegas trip.

was amazing! i would have to say that i have the bestest best friends a person could ever ask for. I rly didn't wanna leave. kenna said i could live in her pocket. i should of said yes. yesterday i was up for over 48hrs. because of that stupid ass baby shower. i won a prize which was awesome. it was a pretty lame prize but hey at least i won something.

I HAVE to go back to work today. and personally i think that stinks. but hey its money! now i can start saving again for next trip. which i believe will be to long beach. there is no real reason for me to go to vegas anymore. jason lives in reno and torri is moving to long beach. i mean yes i have family there but i personally would much rather see them. they are basically my family.

three words...

3 MORE DAYS!!!

i will be leaving to nevada in three days (counting today) i am so excited to see everyone..but mostly Torri and Jason. i can't wait to see them. i have missed them so much. a lot of things have changed im sure. but they are still my two best friends in the world. and no matter what i will love them for who they have become.

Jason and i are going to california for 21/2 days!lol. im excited. hopefully torri will change her mind and come with us. fuck school! lol

I love you guys.

11 more days!

So i should have my raise on this weeks check. which is awesome since i worked 37hrs this week! lol hopefully i will make at least 300$. but with taxes it is doubtful.

Yesterday i went to breakfast at 8am!(with a friend)
then i chilled with shiver and ryan. which i would have to say was very interesting. and fun.

Last night i went to bed serously at like 9:30pm and then didn't wake up till this morning at 9:00am. how insane is that. i guess i rly needed some sleep.

I need to get my hair cut. my bangs are getting way to long. i can't even leave them straight anymore or they are right in my eyes. i have to blowdry them to the side. i don't like it. but its what i have to do until i get them cut.

13 days and counting.

I opened today. and i would have to say that i did it prefectly. my raise is going to be on this weeks check which is awesome. i will finally be making more than my sister.lol more money more money more money!! i leave for vegas in less than 2weeks. i can't wait to land in McCarren airport. its like the one airport i know by heart. the one in tampa still confuses me for some reason. and the one is st.pete is just so freakin small i don't even go there.

Jason and i are going to california without torri :( she has to go to class and i wanna see my family for more than a half a day so that is the only way. which sucks. i want her to meet my family. they are crazy mexicans that i love. and i think she would love too. and my tata(grandpa) has the coolest house.

I haven't talked to kristen in over 2weeks. i am so proud of myself. :)

countdown..

17 MORE DAY!!!!

od to tomorrow.

tomorrow i will be going to the local renaissance festival in town. and i am actually rly excited to go. it will take my mind off some things.

Today i had training with cindy. it was more fun then actual work. we got to go to lunch together which was awesome. and of course we had all of our work done at like 10am. thats because i wont let her procrastinate. which she like to do.(i love her though) Today Mj was being such a bitch. i wanted to smack her cindy wouldnt let me. sometime girls can be such bitches. then ppl wonder why i have mostly guy friends.weird huh.

I finally got another tv. u know what that means..i can play wii again! fuck actual television. i bought a new game. (american idol). i love to sing and that is actually the perfect game for me if u think about it.

crying

*tears.
.
.
.
.

Tomorrow is brenda's funeral.

-Jason don't be suprised if i call u crying my eyes out.

I love new makeup!!! i spent 60$ yesterday on makeup alone.oopps.

Feelings.

omg i can't even wait. torri just told me we are going to this. and well when i read all the bands that are going to be there i think my heart skipped a beat. i am so excited!! 22more days.

Brenda's funeral is this saturday. o ya did i tell u. she died tuesday morning in her sleep. whats weird is that the last we heard the doctors had given her 6months to a year to live. and then i guess her apendex burst. her husband said she was on so many pain meds that she did even feel it. which is good. the viewing is on friday.im not going. but i will be at the funeral.probably crying my eyes out.

yesterday heather and i both got pedicures. they are great destressers. it helped a lot. then we went to the mall and i bought some new designer makeup. that i love! then she dropped me off at cindys so i could chill with her. we played sing star on her ps3. which i kicked her ass on. then john and his roommates came over and i wooped all them as well. heather and aran came back over and we talked and messed around. it was a lot of fun. it kept mine and cindy's minds off some things that we are both worried about. cindy and brenda where very close i mean she spent more time with brenda then she did her own mother. which i thought was weird at first but then i met her mother and i understood.

the next couple days are going to be very sad.

:(

today is GREEN day

Happy St.Patricks day everyone. i can't drink tonight. i wish i could but of course i have to open tomorrow morning. blah!

i bought my plane ticket home yesterday. i leave saturday night at 11:45pm and land in tampa at 10:45am. that was the only way i would make everyone happy. my family wants me home for the stupid ass baby shower for the dumb bitch that i hate. o well.

24 MORE DAYS!!!

SHOES!!

today i have realized that something that truely makes me happy for some odd reason is shoe shopping. i bought the most awesome shoes today. they are steve maddens of course. this is my second pair of shoes by steve madden and i love them. i wonder how many pairs of shoes i can buy befor i go to nevada? lol

There is a party at mj's tonight. there are supposed to be a lot of people going. and i hope they actually show up. its gonna suck if it just me kristen ben mj and josh. yeah thats right my brother is partying with me and my friends. hehe thats what he gets for dateing my friend.

sun=death

today i went to the beach. and tonight i am regreting it.
i swear i am redder than a tomato. i am just glad it will go away in a couple days and then i will be tan. i hate the first sunburn of the season.

120gb zune!!

i now have a new baby.

120 gb zune. now all my music actually fits on one device!! yay.

today i went and saw brenda in the hospital. she was cracking jokes and calling me a bitch. (my nickname from her) she was diagnosed with liver,colon and ovariane(miss spelled) i know sometimes she is a bitch but i would never wish this on anyone.

Today kristen is picking up her new car. a mini cooper. i guess she has wanted one for a long time and she is finally getting her dream car. and at 19yrs old.

no work for me today! so u know what that means..tanning!!! its springbreak for all the college kids down here. so of course all the kids tried to take this entire week off but with brenda so sick they couldn't all get it off and they are pissed. and rly it just makes me laugh. so jason turned 21 on saturday. 3 more months to go for me. and hopefully it goes by fast but not to fast. i want my time in nevada to go by as slow as possible. i can't wait to see all the peeps. O.D.C!!

next week i am supposed to do more trainig for my bookkeeping job. yay me.

tax return!!

so i just looked in my bank account and i have over 1,000 dollars in it. last time i looked i had only two hundred and something. i love tax returns!

im so freakin sick. i can hardley walk. all i wanna do is sleep.

The goal:
-lose at least 20pds befor going to nevada.
-go to the eye doctor and get contacts
-buy new clothes
-and of course new shoes
-buy new zune

change is for the better..

To be or not to be

People in Florida make me angry. they say they are your friends but then they ditch me for something else. am i not good enough for people in Florida. all the friends i have made here are more like people i have just met. none of them rly talk to me anymore. unless we are at work. so maybe that's all i am to them. just a work buddy. god this place sucks.

our dog cali..she is a little bigger now. this is when we first got her. i love her!!

In need

of a rly good rock show. I am going to rock out on saturday i can't wait. i have to much aggression and anger i need to just let out and well a rock concert is a good place to let it out. Senses fail and HollyWoodUndead (WOOP) i can't wait.

thats on saturday

Then on Sunday i am supposed to be going to the strawberry festival with heather and aran. im not sure if it will happen though. she has been blowing me off for the past three days. im rly gettign sick of it. i can't stand ppl that have no follow through. UGH!

Im reading a book called " sucks to be me" it about a vampire. its pretty good so far. not as good as twilight but thats a given.

Today work was insane. two people called out. so from 7-1 i had to do all my office stuff, csl, and casheir. i am so freakin tired.

next saturday is Senses fail and HollywoodUndead!!!<3

Dr's appointment

i have a doctors appointment today..im hopin it goes well..after i get that over with i have to make a eye doctors appointment so i can get contacts!!

i have to do everything now. i know i wont have insurance forever.

Rain!!!

first rain of the newyear and its awesome. i love florida rain. specially when im not at work.

Rain=happiness

02/14/09

Last night i went to a party at andrews. it was pretty fun actually. most of the ppl there i worked with. and there is nothing like partying with coworkers.lol. i found out last night that i work with a bunch of pot heads its awesome.

heather and aran ditched me last night so they could "talk". it was rediculous. i just wanted to see her for a minute and aran wouldn't even let that happen.

Floirda is a weird weird place.

So i was ditched yet again by another friend last night. she said she got sick. but yet today she went to the beach with another one of our friends. weird huh. maybe im just not cool enough for these people. idk.

i bought my plane ticket for nevada yesterday. now i just have to by the my plane ticket home. when i told my mom i had only bought one ticket she started freaking out on me like i was never coming back. i thought it was hilarious and started laughing my ass off.

Tomorrow is valentines day..kill me..

EnJoi

Today i met this guy who is just the nicest person i have ever met. and at first yes i thought he was gay but turns out nope. he's not. he just acts the way that he does. which for a guy i have never ever met anyone so genuine. (his name is Aran)

Today at work was weird. ethan and i had a lot of fun making fun of ryan. which usually never happens. ryan usually never annoys me but tonight was a different story.lol.

I would just like to make a list of all the ppl i miss right now in my life..
-Torri
-Jason
-Kenna

yep thats about it for now.

bed time..
GoodNight

Gasparilla 2009

was yesterday. the parade was over 90 floats long. it was crazy. lots and lots of pirates..reminded me of moapa valley.kinda..

i went and saw "new in town" last night with my sister and mom. it was so funny. renae zelwinger was excellent in this movie. and some of her shoes are so cute omg.lol

i have to work 2-11 tonight :(

this girl lisa is my middle and she has the worst breath i have ever encountered in my life! i try to give her gum and stuff but she wont take it. im gonna put duck tape over her mouth and say she is doing a protest.lol think it will work??

Work went by so freakin slow today!!! heather was the only thing that kept me going. she is so funny. i love her.

everyone at worked love the new hair.
:)

rambling..

i love sitting around and just talking with people. tonight i had a lot of fun just sitting at applebee's and talking to friends. it was awesome. and i didn't wanna leave. but there had to close up.

on march 1st i think i am going to go see taylor swift with heather. that would be so awesome. she is such a great singer.

i mailed in my tax refund today! i would get my money in 2-3weeks :) yay!!

florida..

ok so it supposed to be spring..what the hell. its 35 degrees outside. thats not spring weather. thats winter. damn u florida..

Torri let me know what time a day is a good time for me to fly into vegas on april 10th. its a friday. the flight i picked i would get in at like 3:00pm. let me know if thats a good time for you. or i can find someone else to pick me up if u don't know when a good time would be. love ya tons.
<3

o how i love shoes

HINT: you own to many pairs of shoes when u look at the bottom of your closet and thats all u can see..

haha i own over 30pairs of shoes.lol

so many choices...

April 11Th-19Th i will be Nevada.(those are the days Jason already took off) i can't wait! should i fly into Vegas or Reno?? (Torri and Jason tell me what i should do!) The new RJA Cd is out today. its pretty good.

Eeww

Today has been one of the worst days ever! work sucked. it went by so slow. i felt as if i where in like a time warp. then right when i got home i was yelled at by my mother because i have pink eye again. whichi i mean come on how is that rly my fault. i have no idea how i keep getting it and neither does the doc i went to. fyi:pink eye medicine is rly fuckin exspensive!
all i wanna do is go to sleep. so u know what good night! i hope everyone had a better day than i did.

02/01/09

that game was fuckin intense lst night. for a minute there i couldn't even watch it. i seriously thought we where going to lose but our boys pulled it together again. good job pittsburge!

FYI: sanatonio holmes was mvp! he played a kick ass game and scored the winning touchdown.

SUPER BOWL WEEKEND!!!

arent we just cute.lol

superbowl weekend!

The superbowl is in tampa this year, that means all the crazies are going to be around who o ya me. Today at work is going to be insane. the streets are already packed,so are the hotels. i wanted to check out the beach but i think that would be a mistake. clearwater has one of the best beaches in the world. just in case yall didn't know that.(jason that the one we went to). o well. go STEELERS!

blah

Today was my sisters first day of work. we worked an entire 5hrs and she complained for about that long afterwards about how bad her feet hurt.lol. i told her to suck it up. i have to work with her tomorrow. hopefully it goes well. i totally redid my room today. it looks alright. it will take some getting used to.

tomorrow i have to have a serious talk with my boss..

Cursed

my skin is cursed i swear. everytime i use a face wash my skin builds up this tolerance to the wash so it stops working after like the thrid time i use it. i keep using it because that would just be a huge waste of money. but what can i do rly. i mean i already have to be picky about what i use because my skin is sensative. i can't use anything that to powerful,sented or with oil in it. if i do i will break out more. i want a skin transplant! do those even exsist?

I got my W2 today..so guess what i did today..my taxes!! i am getting a lot back this yr. way more than i have ever gotten. first i thought i did them wrong so i double checked. they are right. this money will help me leave florida! thank u government.lol

This shall be my next tattoo. excpet it will say "your not alone" on it instead of "true love forever". its a sailor jerry tattoo..im pretty sure im gonna get it on the back of my right leg.
(same leg as my star)

We be crazy

When i first moved to florida i thought i would be a great change for me. and i would make lots of friends well i thought it would be awesome. well in the begining i didn't rly make any friends. except for kenna. but she was overton. she came down to be with my brother. her and i became awesome friends. she was the one person i could count on down here. i miss her so much. i wish she was still here. i know that her and my brother are no longer speaking and she has a better life now and a great girlfriend. I still talk to her every now and then. my life is just not the same without her.

sisterly love

In April i am going to Nevada. i was supposed to travel with my sister. but then i started making other plans with Torri and Jason. because in all seriousness they are the people i am going to see. well my sister got all butt hurt. like usual. we got into this huge fight and of course my mother took my sisters side. because well she is the golden child. now she tells me she isn't going to go at all because she can't afford it. (that's what she gets for being a bum and not having a job). when she told me all i could do was smile.sad i know. but o well. i love her to death but sometimes she rly just gets on my nerves. but i guess that happens with most siblings.

...she can never keep her freakin eyes open when we take pictures.lol

Q U O T E S

I'm not funny. What I am is brave.
-Lucille Ball

• I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.
-Rita Mae Brown

• Growth itself contains the germ of happiness.
-Pearl S. Buck

• A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That's why they don't get what they want.
-Madonna

• Since everything is in our heads, we had better not lose them.
-Coco Chanel

• Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
-Marie Curie

• Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.
-Anne Frank

• Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.
-Oprah Winfrey

• It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving.
-Mother Teresa

• The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

making new memories

so kristen and i tried to go bowling last night. and well we fuckin couldn't. they had no lanes open till 10:30pm. how fuckin gay is that. i was pissed. not that i am any good at bowling i just felt like bowling for u know that one time in my life. instead we went to sweetbay and waited around for michelle heather and andrew to get off work so we could all go to applebee's and get drunk. it was fun i guess. i never knew andrew was such a loud drunk person. it was rly rly hilarious.

i got a new betsey johnson purse. kristen talked me into buying it. and i am now poor for the rest of the week.lol. usually i would say how much it cost. but not this time. but it is totally me. its red with white polka dots with black bows on it. i love it and shall use it every chance i get.

I love the pictures that torri took for me last night. they make me laugh. thnxs love!

pc......p

torri got to see jason today..im jelous..not that she got to see him but that they got to see another...
:(
*tear

one word:
SLEEP

to the airport i go

my father is leaving again back to louisiana, we will miss him. two weeks goes by so fast. my mom is always so happy when he is home. but right when he leaves its like the bitch is back. i wish he would jus stay. but i know we need the money.

april is coming! and i can't wait.

krsten and ben are breaking up. and well i knew it would happen. it sucks. she is trying to talk to me about my borther. and why he is acting this way. i had to set her straight. right now she is what i would call a dumb bitch in this situation. never again will one of my brother date one of my good friends. never again!

derrick hernandez your FIRED!

today the scary man at work got fired..and that makes me o so very very happy..now i can get my raise without being scared.

kristen ditched me again tonight. probably to hang out with my brother. god damn it! i want this relationship to be over with so i can have my friend back. i know thats probably selfish of me but i don't fuckin care anymore.

today and yesterday are the first days i have gotten off in about a week. it feels good to do nothing. to bad i have to open tomorrow.

i need a new life.

dumb ass bosses

i hate being called into work early because my boss is hung over. specially when the one time i wanted her to come in for me she gave me a stupid ass exscuse. why am i so damn reliable? i want it to stop.

great country song.

I recognized your number,
It's burned into my brain,
Felt my heart beating faster,
Every time it rang. Some things never change,
That's why I didn't answer.
I bet you're in a bar, Listening to a country song.
Glass of Johnny Walker Red, With no one to take you home.
They're probably closing down, Saying, "No more alcohol."
I bet you're in a bar
'Cause I'm always your last call.
I don't need to check that message.
I know what it says. "Baby, I still love you,"
Don't mean nothing when there's whiskey on your breath.
That's the only love I get.
So if you're calling...
I bet you're in a bar
Listening to a cheatin' song
Glass of Johnny Walker Red
With no one to take you home
They're probably closing down Saying, "No more alcohol"
I bet you're in bar,
'Cause I'm always your last-
Call me crazy but I think maybe We've had our last call.
I bet you're in a bar.
It's always the same old song.
That Johnny Walker Red,
By now it's almost gone.
But baby,
I won't be there To catch you when you fall.
I bet you're in bar
'Cause I'm always your last call

what a boring day

today had been such a boring day. i need something exciting to happen to me.




I love stormy days..

one of my secrets:

i let people use me. i know they are doing it and yet i don't stop it. why is this.

my wii fit just kicked my ass.. i just did a long run and i now wanna die. but i scored 100% on it. i need to lose weight. and my wii is going to help me do that. yay for technology.

i have a booboo

i got a infection in my toe from the freakin pedi i got the other day. my toe hurts so bad it is hard for me to walk. this fuckin sucks!

pictures from 12/31/08

happy new year

zune is fixed..and all by itself..yay for microsoft being 0n the ball.

last night was awesome. i had tons of fun. we played some beer pong on our heads and then some circle of death. i got a littel emotional when i started thinking about my life so i just drank some more and i soon forgot about what i thinking about. i got danced on by brian it was so funny heather and i where basically crying from laughing so hard, he was so drunk. i saw heather do a booty dance (she is a goody goody. totally straight edge. church goer. we are trying to corrupt her) thanks to all the people in nevada that texted me at three in the morning a happy new year. (i was mad at first cause my new year started 3hrs earlier but i was happy they didn't forget me)

new years resolution: move back to nevada!

ps. i wrote this without my glasses on. so sorry if some things don't rly make since or are spelt wrong.